


Everything She Wants (Everything He Needs)

by Youremyalways



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Bellarke, CPR, F/M, Josephine Lightbourne/Gabriel (mentioned), Lincoln/Octavia Blake (mentioned), post 6x10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-19
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2020-07-08 06:47:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19865263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Youremyalways/pseuds/Youremyalways
Summary: “I may have spent years without either of you, but the way you look at eachother? That’s one thing that hasn’t changed. For some reason, the universe has given you another chance at this. Gabriel gave up the love of his life so that Clarke could live. Don’t waste that opportunity. The lives we live are so uncertain. Every minute there’s a new reason we’re all gonna die. Tell her how you feel before it’s too late.”Octavia & Bellamy talk which leads to Bellamy talking to Clarke.Post 6x10. Lots of feelings. Enjoy!





	Everything She Wants (Everything He Needs)

**Author's Note:**

> *Newly edited 
> 
> Enjoy my luvvvsss! 
> 
> As always, Spread some love <3

“Bell?” 

He looked up from Clarke’s face for the first time in what felt like hours. Maybe it was. 

Octavia’s eyes were trained on him as she sighed, pulling a chair up next to Bellamy’s and lowering herself down. He wasn’t looking at her for long, his eyes quickly sliding back to concentrate on Clarke’s sleeping face, but nonetheless Octavia stayed looking at his eyes. 

She started with a shaky voice, “Sorry doesn’t even begin to ex-”

“I’m not doing this, Octavia.” He closed his eyes with a deep sigh, exhaustion lacing his voice, “Not right now.”

“If not now, then when, Bellamy?” Octavia’s voice held a new hint of frustration and desperation. 

He just let out a deep breath, his resolve shaking under her heated gaze.

“I know everything is… Well, I don’t even know what it is, between us, but… for a second can I just talk to you as my big brother? Not as the guy that fought and lost so much on earth, but the guy that kept me safe for almost my entire life. And can you listen to me like I’m your sister. Not as the red queen, or a warrior, or a commander… just, your sister, who loves you very much.” 

There was deep confliction in every line of his face. The way his eyes narrowed and softened almost simultaneously providing the perfect visual representation of how her words divided his resolve in half. 

“I don’t…” He started to shake his head, the denial already flowing from his tongue when suddenly his eyes trailed over to Clarke’s face and his face fell, eyes falling closed.

It’s ironic. When Bellamy was on the ring, time felt neverending. Six years passed like decades. Change was practically nonexistent and his whole life was centered around just making it five years. He didn’t realize then how easy it was to take advantage of the hours, the days, the weeks. He begged for the time to pass. He was done with that now. 

If almost losing Clarke today taught him anything, it’s that time is precious. 

So, drawing strength from her presence, he opened his eyes and whispered, “Okay.”

“Okay.” Octavia repeated, immense relief and discreet surprise in her tone. 

Bellamy’s gaze stayed laser focused on Clarke’s face, but he slightly tilted his chin up when Octavia started to speak, “By now it feels like ‘sorry’ has lost all of its meaning.”

Bellamy laughed a little at that, the reaction sarcastic but also sincere.

“I’m not going to ask for forgiveness, because I know I haven’t done anything yet to deserve that, especially not from you. But, I need you to know that I am so, so sorry for the fighting pit. Not just for putting you in there, but for almost doing the same to her.” Octavia’s watery gaze landed on Clarke, “I’ll never forgive myself for almost putting you through what I saw from you today. You can’t lose her, I see that. I’m so sorry for almost making you have to.” 

Bellamy ducked his head down a little, possible responses juggling all around in his head like ping pong balls, but none having the strength to come to his lips.

“I just want you to be happy, Bell. You spent so much of your life protecting me, and that wasn’t fair to you. I shouldn’t have let myself be your burden.”

“You weren’t a burden.” He whispered, finally shifting his stare from Clarke’s face and concentrating on Octavia. 

“Maybe not always,” She sighed before digressing, “Bellamy, when we went into the bunker, I was just a kid. I made bad decisions. Really, really bad decisions. But I was young and naive and I wasn’t meant to lead! That wasn’t  _ fair _ . It shouldn’t have been me! But it was! I had to become someone else to keep them alive. I had to keep my morality in a box and hide it away. I wasn’t allowed to care. I cried myself to sleep every night just thinking about how much it would kill you to know what I’d become,” She shook her head, a tear falling down her cheek, “Thinking about how mom would be  _ so _ ashamed of me. Lincoln too.” 

Bellamy let out a deep breath. Every bone in his body screamed at him to reach out to her, tell her it’s not true. But he couldn’t. Guilt began to fester deep in his gut when he realized he hadn’t thought about how his mother would feel about all of this for years. He knew that she would never want O to have all of this weight on her conscience, but she would also undoubtedly be disappointed in the both of them. There were numerous bodies on their hands, some of which were unpreventable, but way too many that were not even close to being that simple. 

“I saw him, you know.” She smiled a little, but it was so incredibly pained and morose.

“Lincoln?” Bellamy asked, knitting his eyebrows as he watched his sister stumble over her words.

She nodded, “It’s hard to explain, but yeah, I saw him. Maybe it was a dream, or a vision, but… I watched him die, again. And at first it just made me sad, but watching you bring Clarke back today made me realize something else about it. Bell, you’re entire life, you’ve protected me. I feel like it’s my turn.”

“What do you mean?” Bellamy asked, just growing more and more confused.

A part of him still shivered at the mention of Lincoln’s death. That will  _ always _ be one of his biggest regrets. One of his biggest ‘what if’s’. 

“I can live with you never forgiving me. I deserve that. But… I want you to be happy, and I know… I know if mom was still here she would tell you what I’m about to, too.” 

He took a deep breath closed his eyes at the second mention of his mom. His curiosity was peaked, the beating of his heart increasing by the second.

“Tell her you love her.” She stated like it was the simplest thing in the world.

Bellamy’s body reacted before his mind even processed the words. His head shot back a few inches, eyebrows raising to his hairline. His eyes widened slightly as he shuffled his gaze back and forth between the two ladies in front of him. 

“What?” He croaked, the sudden inflow of emotions taking over and hindering any chance he had at accurate articulation. 

Octavia looked down at her lap with a soft smile before bringing her eyes back up to Bellamy’s.

“She almost died today, Bell. Do you realize how lucky you are to get an  _ almost _ ?” A tear cut a crooked line down her cheek as her words trailed off.

Bellamy’s gaze fell onto Clarke’s chest. He watched her stomach rise and fall, providing visual proof that she was alive and breathing. God, he was so close to losing her. For real, this time. 

He was just glad he was there. Both of the other times he thought she was dead, she was alone. He was never even given the chance to save her. This time he was right there beside her, and he  _ saved _ her. Bellamy never wanted to leave her side ever again, not when she was finally in the clear. He couldn’t risk it. Couldn’t risk her. As he watched the breaths rock her torso, he made a promise to himself that he wouldn’t let anything happen to her from now on. He’d be by her side through everything. 

“What I’m trying to say is that you have a real chance here. You have a chance that most people never get,” Octavia smiled inwardly, clearly thinking about her own missed opportunities, “I may have spent years without either of you, but the way you look at eachother? That’s one thing that hasn’t changed. For some reason, the universe has given you another chance at this. Gabriel gave up the love of his life so that Clarke could live. Don’t waste that opportunity. The lives we live are so uncertain. Every minute there’s a new reason we’re all gonna die. Tell her how you feel before it’s too late.” 

Bellamy closed his eyes and let a single tear fall from his left eye. It wasn’t even necessarily upsetting, it was just the sheer weight of it. There were so many intense emotions centered around his relationship with Clarke, but he’d never heard it just outright said like that. He did love her. That wasn’t any secret. It’s just… saying it out loud would change everything. It would either be the best change in his life, or the absolute worst. If she doesn’t feel the same way, then he’d be ruining their connection. He’d rather never be with her than lose her as a friend. He needed her, no matter what capacity that was in. 

“Are you thinking she doesn’t feel the same way?” Octavia whispered and squinted a little, knowing she was walking a very thin line, “Because I’m fairly certain that’s not true. She was gone, Bellamy. She came back because you told her to fight, because you need her. If that doesn’t show you how she feels about you, then nothing will.” 

Bellamy opened his eyes and looked up to Octavia, a little awed by how well she could still read him despite all of their time apart. Her words fell over him in waves, sucking the breath from his mouth and leaving his lungs hollow. He watched as Octavia rose from her seat, stepping towards him and placing a hand firmly on his shoulder. 

“I’m going to go find Diyoza.” She started, eyes shifting between Clarke and Bellamy, “I’m going to find her and try my best to save her and her child. I owe her that. But Bellamy, for the record, mom would want you to be happy. If I had the chance to be with Lincoln again, even just for a minute…” She dropped her hand and walked slowly towards the door, tears in her eyes, “I wouldn’t care how complicated it was.”

He watched her reach for the door handle, and something overcame him. 

His mother would never want them to do a lot of the things they did, but the thing she would be the most disappointed in was them not being able to support  _ each other _ . 

So Bellamy grabbed her forearm, turned her around gently and looked into her eyes as he narrowed his own. He smiled softly, taking a deep breath before reaching up and wiping a tear from under her eye. 

“Be safe.” He stated, those words encompassing so much more. 

Octavia’s face immediately fell, her nose scrunching up as her eyes slammed closed and leaked tear after tear. She made Bellamy stumble back a few steps with the force of her body as she leapt into his arms. She buried her head against his chest, staining his dark tee shirt with tears. Bellamy wrapped his arms around her back this time, reaching his hand up to the back of his head and holding her head steady against him. 

“Okay.” He whispered as she started to pull away, his hand slipping down from her head to her back, pushing her towards the door slightly.

“I love you, Bell.” Octavia announced as the door swung open, one foot already out the door.

He nodded and repeated her sentiment as she cleared the entrance, “I love you too.”

He watched with watery eyes as she walked into the woods, tightening the straps on her backpack as she walked. Her hair slowly started to blend into the trees and little by little she disappeared. 

They were still all kinds of fucked up, but he knew he did the right thing. He did what his mom would’ve wanted him to do. He would have regretted it for the rest of his life if he let her go without telling her how he felt. He laughed a little to himself as he thought about that last part, his body instinctively turning towards the woman lying on the bed behind him. 

“She’s strong.”

The voice came from said woman, and Bellamy jerked around at the sound of it. It still made his heart skip a beat to hear  _ her _ voice, not Josephine’s. Clarke was laying down still, but her upper body was hovering slightly, balancing on her forearms which were flat against the bed and holding her up at the bend of her elbows. Her eyes were half lidded, tired and heavy. He’d never seen her so pale. She was almost ghostly. But she was alive, and that’s the only thing that mattered. Pale, Bellamy could deal with. 

“She’ll be okay.” Her deep, yet feminine voice echoed as her eyes followed his movements.

Bellamy let out a long, stabilizing breath as he walked back over to where he was sitting before. He lowered himself to the chair beside her bed and felt an immediate wave of calm overcome him. Her presence tended to do that. Her bright blue eyes were trained on him.

“I know.” He said softly, “It’s all just… so complicated.”

“Tell me about it,” Clarke huffed out a laugh, coughing slightly at the end of her sentence and lifting her elbow to contain the episode.

She lowered it back down with a relieved breath and Bellamy met her eyes, his own laced with worry. 

“How do you feel?” He whispered, reaching up with his right arm slowly and brushing his thumb over her knuckles, gently lowering his hand over hers. 

She didn’t hesitate long before answering, “I’m okay. My chest is a little sore.”

And yeah, Bellamy felt guilt rush through him, up and down the length of his spine when she commented on her chest hurting. He was pretty much in a giant blur of emotions and mixed up words when Clarke was lying there, breathless, and it was undeniable that he may have gotten a little carried away. 

Bellamy winced, a shy blush creeping up his cheeks, “Yeah… sorry about that.”

“Sorry?” She questioned, eyes squinting down a little in confusion.

“Uh… I was giving you CPR. I might have gotten a little carried away. I wasn’t really thinking.” 

Clarke’s eyebrows raised, and before she could speak he was interrupting her.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you” There was pain in his voice and regret all over his features. 

Clarke’s face fell a little, her throat moving slowly as she swallowed, juggling with her thoughts. 

“It’s okay,” She reassured with a steady breath, “it worked, didn’t it? Besides, I’ll take a little rib pain any day if it means avoiding the… alternative.” 

Bellamy met her eyes and nodded, the relief of that statement making it a little easier to breathe. He hated himself for hurting her, but not a bone in his body would refuse doing it again. He’d do it again a thousand times over if it meant she survived. 

“Me too.” He concurred. 

She smiled a little, her eyes scanning over his face. Clearly she saw something there, because as her gaze trailed down his head, the smile on her lips dropped and was replaced with a serious, somewhat sad expression. Her eyebrows furrowed together and she moved her hand underneath his, shifting so she could interlace their fingers. 

“Thank you, Bellamy,” Her voice and expression rang with sincerity, “For not letting me die.” 

He squeezed her hand back a little, wanting to comfort her as much as he just wanted to feel her skin closer to his. His heart was racing now, the beats echoing loudly in his years every few seconds. If she was thanking him for that, then… 

“You heard me?” 

Clarke nodded.

“She said you could, but I didn’t know if it was true or if it was just her trying to mess with me.”

“Might have been the one time she didn’t lie.” Clarke hummed, her eyes holding immense worry and relief as she reiterated, “Seriously though, you didn’t have to do this, risk all you did for this. Thank you for saving me. I mean that.”

“You don’t make it easy.” Bellamy nodded, his lips turning up in a smirk as he recalled a time long, long ago. 

She laughed and he’d never heard a more beautiful sound. 

“I’ll try to work on that.” 

It was Bellamy’s turn to laugh as he sighed, “I’d appreciate it. I think we both deserve a break.” 

Clarke nodded, “No kidding.”

A few moments passed in comfortable silence, both parties just soaking up the presence of the other. They hadn’t had the luxury of just sitting back and being themselves in a very, very long time. 

As his gaze juggled between her weary eyes and the rise and fall of her stomach, Bellamy let the weight of the whole situation settle on him. He  _ couldn’t _ lose her. At some point when he wasn’t looking she became one of the most important people in his life, if not  _ the _ most important. 

Bellamy has lived his entire life worrying about one person. He just couldn’t pinpoint exactly when that one person changed. 

Octavia was still his world, but if the past century has taught him anything, it’s that there’s a whole universe out there, and Clarke was every single star. 

He studied the way her eyebrows scrunched a little as she watched him, little wrinkles appearing on the bridge of her nose. She didn’t quite look like she was in pain. Physically, at least. But Bellamy knew Clarke well enough by now to recognize she was worrying about something.

With that assumption in mind, he was the first to speak, moving his hand from her cheek back to his side as he did, “Are you really okay? You don’t have to pretend for me, I hope you know that.”

She smiled a little, as if impressed, before bringing her gaze down and away from Bellamy as she condemned herself, “I just feel so stupid.” 

Bellamy shifted in his seat at that, leaning slightly forward with knitted brows and a rapidly increasing heartbeat. 

“Why?” 

She laughed a little, almost embarrassed and still not looking at him.

“My entire life I’ve calculated all of the possible outcomes and risks before doing anything. Ever since my dad was floated for trusting the wrong people, I have been so careful about everything, about everyone. The one night I finally let go and didn’t worry about what I was doing or who I was with, this happens. I’m betrayed and almost killed, and then the next thing I know my friends are all being threatened and the people I care about are at risk. Again. I let my guard down, and look at all that’s happened because of it.” 

Bellamy tilted his head, closing his eyes in exhaustion. Of course she found a way to blame herself, it was her specialty. Not that he could blame her when he had the exact same tendency. God, he hoped she didn’t learn that from him. 

“Clarke, the only person at blame for this is Russel. You had no way of knowing this was even a possibility. There’s nothing you could have had second thoughts about at that time, none of us could have. I know how easy it is to blame yourself, you know that, but this is not your fault.” 

Clarke smiled a little, reaching up to wipe her tears as she nodded. 

“Clarke, I…” He sighed, looking down at their entangled hands, trying to gather strength from that contact, “I know that I said some things during the red sun, but I just… I came so close to losing you today. Today and a week ago and six years ago. It feels like I have spent the last decade of my life losing you. I just don’t want to go another minute without saying that I will  _ always _ need you.”

The heartbreak was written all over her face, but there was an overwhelming relief to accompany it. It killed him to know that Clarke could ever think that he didn’t need her. 

“I need you, too.” She echoed, her voice cracking.

So many more words hung stale in the air between them, the oxygen charged with electricity. 

Clarke swallowed before moving to take the hand he had intertwined with hers in both of her hands, keeping it locked between her fingers and squeezing down. His heart fluttered with the action, his eyes beginning to water. He was so close to losing this. 

“And Bellamy?” 

He nodded, encouraging her to go on.

“We haven’t spent our lives losing each other.” She whispered, voice incredibly quiet yet entirely resolute, “We’ve spent our lives  _ finding _ each other.” 

Before he could respond to that, there was a loud noise by the door and both of their eyes were pulled to the man looking slightly flustered on the other side of the room. Gabriel was battering around with something a good couple yards away, just far enough to be out of earshot. He stood with a new slouch, clearly a weight resting heavily on his shoulders. 

“Is it crazy that I kind of feel bad for him? I mean, it couldn’t have been easy, to let her go. Not wanting Josephine to take an innocent life is far different than wanting her dead. Losing someone you love… it’s… I don’t even know what it is.” Clarke shrugged, her eyes half closing and shifting as if the memories of all the times she’s had to do just that were playing like a movie in front of her. 

“Believe me, I know.” Bellamy smiled sadly, looking deep into Clarke’s eyes, “And it’s not crazy. It’s what makes you who you are. The fact that even after everything you’ve been through, you still have your sympathy, your humanity.” 

Clarke had tears brimming on her lower eyelids, the words clearly hitting her hard. She’d thoroughly believed that her humanity was something she lost a long time ago, and hearing him say that it was still part of her, it was just… a lot.

“But as far as feeling bad for him… they had centuries together. More time than they were ever supposed to. More time than anyone is supposed to. It was time to let go.” 

“Well, thank you for not letting me.” Clarke nodded, her voice cracking a little as a tear slipped down her cheek. She squeezed his hand tightly and took a deep breath before clarifying, “for not letting me go.” 

Bellamy let out a wet laugh, the emotions falling heavy over his shoulders. He stared into her eyes and brought the hand not folded up in hers up to guide a strand of her blonde hair away from her face. 

He brought his hand down slightly to cup her cheek, and with his whole chest, announced, “Jospehine and Gabriel may have had their time, but we haven’t.” 


End file.
